Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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