new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
