im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
kristin has been a bad kristin
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
