using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
