i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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