remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize