He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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