Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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