We're facebook friends in real life
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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