I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
did you just send me my own nude
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
