First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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