end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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