i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
