a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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