She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
