It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think i got beer on your cat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
