I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
