I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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