At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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