He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
