This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
