What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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