I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
