You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
