we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize