omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
