her vagine was all disorganized.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
