You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
