the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
found the other keg... it's in the tree
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
