a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
