apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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