She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
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