Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize