No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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