I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
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