So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize