i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
