I wish my penis had an off switch
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
