Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
