Where is the hickey?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
