2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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