he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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