Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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