the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
