dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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