shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
