I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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