Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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