I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
