shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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