i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
