sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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