just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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