if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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