margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
