the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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