Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
