watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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