i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
