Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
