I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
