Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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