$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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