That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
