U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
