She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
