Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
