i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
