have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
