well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
